So last night I spent hours and hours on the Film Festival website trying to choose 5 movies so I could get my choices in today. Lots of cool stuff and I'm really looking forward to seeing the movies I ended up choosing. (There’s a movie called Bugmaster. Really! Bugmaster! I want to see it!)

Some of the movie descriptions though… ouch. Some of them make you want to click back before you’ve even figured out what the movie is about.

My biggest pet peeves:

1. Movies that say outright that nothing happens in them.

"Among her other activities, she is engaged in an ongoing war with a neighbour who always steals her parking spot, and she spends long periods watching television and listening to phone messages." Movie: A Few Days Later, Review by Dimitri Eipides

Apparently she also drives around a lot. To the same places. Over and over again.

2. Excessive use of cliché.

I have to wonder if the way this summary is written is actually deliberate. It is possible. Amazing, but possible. In which case, I would just like to send my congratulations out to the reviewer. Spectacular use of cliche.

"Duane's family knows there is a steep price to be paid for fighting the good fight. As Duane begins to see the consequences of his choices, Bingo reminds him that sometimes it's better to just keep your head down. In this family, there are no easy answers, and heroism is a double-edged sword. Movie: Citizen Duane, Review by Marguerite Pigott

I kind of want to see the movie, despite the ridiculous summary.

3. Descriptions that mean nothing, or almost nothing, or say something totally useless.

"Lee's film maintains a strong artistic identity while still delivering a genuinely moving experience destined to conquer the audience's heart. " Movie: Hula Girls, Review by Giovanna Fulvi

Really? Artistic! Identity! Moving! Conquer! Wow!!!!!

“The film builds to an explosive finale.” Movie: Red Road, Review by Dimitri Eipides

Right.

There are lots of good descriptions though too. Lines that make you desperately want to see a film.

“After a spate of missteps, he decides the only way to win Alice's affection is a spectacular victory on the show: everything will ride on his "advanced general

knowledge skills.” Movie: Starter for Ten, Review by Michèle Maheux

I really, really want EVERYTHING TO RIDE ON MY ADVANCED GENERAL KNOWLEDGE SKILLS SOMEDAY.

THE FATE OF THE WORLD HANGS ON MY KNOWLEDGE OF WHICH IS THE LARGEST BODY OF FRESH WATER IN THE WORLD, WHAT IS THE NAME OF PARIS HILTON’S ALBUM, HOW MANY COUNTRIES THERE ARE IN SOUTH AMERICA, WHAT A PLANE TREE LOOKS LIKE, WHEN DID A.S. BYATT WIN THE BOOKER PRIZE…

Actually I only know the answer to the last one. But I guess I’d better find out the others.

Happy long weekend!